Gentle Discipline Instead of Harsh Discipline and Spanking

The benefits of physical discipline and spanking have come into question, and the whole question of spanking has come to the fore of national consciousness. Some of this is because there have been injuries and even deaths of children recently, children whose parents claimed to hold to a prescrembed manner of spanking. Besides, sometimes parents just want to know of an alternative to hitting their kids.

So many of us were raised in spanking households that we aren't sure what non-spanking discipline looks like. If you don't spank, what do you do? Does not spanking mean being permissive?

Non-spankers are not permissive (and some spankers are!). Instead, they implement a different discipline approach. Here are some tips on alternatives to spanking, and how to implement gentle discipline.

Remove Spanking from Your Toolbox

First, take spanking out of your disciplinary toolbox. If you always hold it in the back of your mind that you might, just might pull out the spanking weapon if things get bad enough, then you are more likely to spank out of emotion or at the wrong time. So just take the notion of hitting as a means of discipline out of your toolbox.

Fill Your Toolbox with Alternatives

Now it's time to be proactive! Fill your parenting toolbox with creative discipline ideas that you can draw on in those difficult moments. This is key to preventing emotional reactions and decisions made in the heat of the moment. Read on for some alternatives.

Laugh

Laughter is a wonderful way to diffuse a frustrating situation, and it can go a long way in garnering a child's cooperation. Make funny voices and mock the situation (don't mock the child), and laugh at it together. For example, if your child constantly leaves his toys in the middle of the living room floor, you could give the toys funny voices and have them "beg" your child to put them away before they get stepped on and "hurt."

Engage

Engaging your child is a way to build the close relationship that makes discipline much easier. Engaging her means looking at her, explaining step-by-step what you want her to do, and being clear about consequences. For parents who were raised in non-confrontational households themselves, this can be challenging - but it may be very helpful if you can work on directly engaging your child and let her know what you expect very clearly.

Consequences, not Punishment

Consequences are more true to life than punishment when you think about it. If you are caught embezzling money from the company you work for, for instance, you are not going to get hit on the bottom and told to go on about your business. No, you'll suffer consequences - the loss of your job, legal prosecution, and possibly prison.

So if you can arrange for consequences, it can help shape your child's behavior. For instance, instead of threatening your child with a spanking if he doesn't clean his room, just calmly lay out the consequences: if he doesn't clean up his room, you will "clean" it - by throwing everything in a garbage bag!

These are just a few ideas. The important thing is to plan ahead and be ready so you aren't trying to discipline off the cuff. And you may end up with a much happier child who is better prepared for the real world.